Etiquette Expert Cindy Grosso

The Polished Professional

Let us hold the door

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Have you ever been walking behind someone and approached a closed door to have it slammed in your face because the person in front of you did not hold it for you? Or, had to push in someone’s chair as you were trying to exit the table? As you recall times when this may have happened to you, do you also recall how you felt?

This leads me to the question: Is holding the door for someone or pushing in your chair, when possible, just polite actions or much larger events that may speak loudly about you?

Holding the door for someone or pushing in your chair are not just actions, but a reflection of your attitude. When you watch people who just let the door slam in the face of the person behind them, as they walk through the room, they probably live their whole life like that. They have a marriage like that. They have a business like that. They are reflecting how they live their personal and professional life in that few seconds.

Likely, you also speak loudly when you do not push your chair in. I have read that during an interview when this happens, Human Resources wants to know, did you think someone else would clean up your mess? Or maybe you did not think someone else may have needed to get by, which is an ethics question.

Please be aware that we may speak loudly about ourselves without opening our mouths. Your manners and etiquette are not just polite actions, they are symptoms of your beliefs and values which reflect your attitude. Not holding the door or pushing your chair in are just examples of these outward behaviors that we see as a result of an inward attitude.

Not having a conscious awareness of the others around you speaks about your lack of mindfulness for others and your situational awareness of how you are interacting with others.

Becoming aware of the little things can make a big difference in your personal and professional life. Let us be constantly reminded of our attitude, by the little actions we do to check ourselves and gauge how we are doing in life…..Let us hold the door.

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Star Spangled Banner Manners for the Business Professional

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Proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof. ”
-words written on the Liberty Bell

Independence Day is celebrated on July 4 because that was the day in 1776 when the Continental Congress adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Independence. The War of Independence however, dragged on until 1783, and in that year, Independence Day was made an official holiday. In 1941 Congress declared the 4th of July a federal holiday.

The 50 star flag became the “Official flag of the United States” on July 4, 1960.  It was put into place by President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s Executive Order number 10834, published on August 25, 1959.

On July 4th, we proudly celebrate the freedom and civility for which our forefathers fought for so bravely….the freedom that is represented by the Stars and Stripes of our respected flag. The color red was selected for courage, white for purity and blue for perseverance and justice.

Here are some etiquette tips for honoring our flag and our nation this 4th of July and all year long whether at a business meeting or public event.

Pledge of Allegiance
When the Pledge of Allegiance is recited, citizens should stand at attention and salute by placing their right hand over the heart with the first word and hold the salute through the last line of the Pledge. Those in uniform give the appropriate formal salute as specified by the uniform service. The salute is directed to the flag by facing the flag during the Pledge.

Men wearing a head cover (a hat or cap) are to remove it. Women may wear a head covering.

Parades
In parades or reviews, at the moment the flag passes, each individual should stand at attention facing the flag and salute.

Raising and lowering
The Flag of the United States is saluted as it is hoisted and lowered. The salute is held until the flag is unsnapped from the halyard or through the last note of the national anthem; whichever is the longest.

The National Anthem
It was the valiant defense of Fort McHenry by American forces during the British attack on September 13, 1814 that inspired 35-year old, poet-lawyer Francis Scott Key to write the poem which was to become our national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” In 1931 the Congress of The United States of America enacted legislation that made “The Star-Spangled Banner” the official national anthem.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,And this be our motto: “In god is our trust”And the Star – Spangled Banner in triumph shall waveO’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
Fourth verse of the The Star Spangled Banner – Francis Scott Key

When the national anthem is played or sung, citizens should stand at attention and salute, by placing their right hand over the heart, at the first note and hold the salute through the last note. The salute is directed to the flag, if displayed, otherwise to the music. If in uniform, the person should salute in the formal manner. It is proper to salute whenever the national anthem is played; in a public park, in a church, at a sports event…etc.

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Why is being present so important?

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Not to long ago I was conducting a professional table manners program for a college conference.  As I was speaking, I noticed that many students had their phones out on the table and often it was on the plate in front of them before the food was served.

I thought this very interesting as the topic was how to dine in business and the name of the program was the “Million Dollar Meal.”  I asked the people in the room if they were at an interview or a business meeting over a meal, would they have their cell phone out on the table? As they put their phones away, I would like to think that their answer would be no without someone having to ask them….but I am learning that just the basics are needed more and more.

Often while dining out with my husband, we see families sitting together, but not engaged in conversation with each other.  The children are often on their gaming devices, or listening to music with earbuds in their ears while the parents may be talking, and often not to each other. They are often communicating by way of text or cell phones to people not at the table.  I am saddened to think this may be the new definition of family time.

Technology is wonderful, but it should have its limits.  Statistics show that teens spend between 20 to 52 hours every week in front of a computer screen and that does not include entertainment media or the cell phone. The research concluded that all this media exposure was associated with negative social well-being. You really do not grow up in a house with no real communication and become a great communicator. Statistics show the inability to communication well is 80% of the reason people do not get ahead in their jobs and is a common barrier to successful marriages, relationships and careers.

Family dining time is an important time to bond and engage with your children and your spouse.   Allow the dining table to be an opportunity to invest time in one another and develop life skills that contribute to success.  Just because someone is sitting next to you, does not mean you are spending quality time with that person.  Teach your children, teens and young adults to communicate without technology…face to face.

At the dining table consider having them put their cell phones away and get connected with the people at the table. Talk about the day, about events in their lives, feelings, triumphs and failures.  This valuable time keeps us from being isolated, lowers depression, conveys love and research shows it is associated with positive social well-being.

Dining has always been a time to build relationships with others, whether that is in business or with family in your own home.

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The ability to command a room – Part 2

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Your ability to command a room in professional environments is an important part of being successful in business.  In part one of this blog we learned commanding a room begins with how you enter the room.

Here are 10 more tips to successfully commanding a room.

  1. When you enter a room, be aware of your surroundings and who is in the room.
  1. Identify who you would like to speak with and show confidence by stepping out and approaching the person instead of waiting for him/her to approach you.
  1. If there are multiple people waiting to speak with you, or in your group, make sure you do not block walkways and doorways as a courtesy to others.
  1. Keep your right hand free for handshaking. Use your left hand to hold drinks or any items you may be carrying. This will ensure you do not fumble around looking awkward when other introduce themselves.
  1. Be mindful of how long you are with each person. Spend no more than 10 minutes with any one person, as you do not want to monopolize anyone’s time.
  1. Be present in the conversation. There is great power in being present, so avoid looking at a cell phone or being distracted by looking around the room. Focus on the person, with whom you are speaking.
  1. Understand there is more power in listening than speaking and listen more than you speak.
  1. As part of your conversation, quickly try to figure out how you can best provide value to that person.
  1. Have command of the language by using good vocal skills and avoid using profanity, slang or negativity when speaking. Studies indicate the use of profanity is not acceptable to most people in business.
  1. Speak with an appropriate volume. Speaking too loudly is impolite and causes others to have to hear your conversation, while interrupting theirs, which does not build good rapport.

Commanding a room is a skill that will serve you well in your professional and personal life and is an important element of being a person of influence.

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The ability to command a room

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The ability to command a room – making a powerful entrance
– part one

In today’s business world, networking, meetings, speaking engagements are all often common events that business professionals attend.  A component of being a polished professional is the ability to command a room.

Commanding a room starts before you even enter the room.  It starts with intentional situational awareness and the understanding of how to enter a room in a powerful manner.

Tips on how to enter a room in a powerful manner.

  1. Make sure you are dressed appropriately for the event. Attire is an important component of how you present yourself.
  2. Before you even enter, go into the bathroom and power pose for two minutes to change your body’s chemistry. (Harvard Study conducted by Amy Cuddy – see her TED talk) Power pose by getting as big as you can (supermen pose or arms and legs extended out as far as you can) for two minutes. This will raise your testosterone (your confidence hormone) and lower your cortisol level (your stress hormone).
  3. Pause just before entering the room and be aware of how you are getting ready to enter, realizing people are focused on the entrance to a room.
  4. Posture yourself again to take up as much space as possible, however this time within the framework of your body. Getting big in your body’s framework allows you to look more confident. (Refer to number two)
  5. Walk leading from the chi or the center core of your body. This prevents you from walking with your head out in front and slumping your shoulders.
  6. Put a smile on your face. A smile is a sign of confidence. People who are nervous, scared or anxious are not smiling. A smile calms you and the people with whom you come in contact.
  7. Slow down your walk. Do not rush into the room.
  8. Once you enter, step to the right of the entrance walkway and pause for a few moments to be situational aware of the room layout, food, people, etc.
  9. Do not rush over to the food or drink. Trying to handle plates, glasses, drinks, napkins, etc. is often awkward. If you are really hungry eat something before you go.

Do not underestimate the power of a first impression that often starts as you enter a room. How you enter a room will determine your ability to command it.

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